The countdown to Super Bowl Sunday is ticking down fast. Millions will be watching as the Carolina Panthers and the Denver Broncos knock helmets in the battle for the bragging rights.
Sure, watching guys play with pigskin for a trophy is great, but some of us—you know who you are—will only tune in for the commercials, the biggest branding game of the year. As usual, advertisers have hemorrhaged obscene amounts of money in the quest to capture your attention—and your spending cash—after kickoff and beyond.
Which of their ads will be a touchdown and which will fall flat, like a Deflategate ball? Check out the newly released Super Bowl commercials—the funniest (and wackiest) 10 in the bunch.
1. Avocados From Mexico's majorly odd space odyssey
If we were aliens, we’d think humans are wicked weird, too. What with our spiraling poop emojis, underwhelming Chia Pets, and still-kinda-hot 80s has-beens, like Scott Baio, and all. Hate to break it to you, bone bags, but our only hope of not becoming UFO pets might lie in the almighty avocado from south of the border. Pass the guac, press play already, and see what we mean. You might want to hold the tortilla chips until after you watch this giggler. We wouldn’t want you to choke (like that fish head-looking alien did).
2. Mountain Dew's 'Puppymonkeybaby' mind-blow
Dude, we hope you don’t have the munchies when you watch this, because it will freak you the heck out. Mountain Dew is at it again, this time with a face-licking, diaper-donning freaky beast monkey, er, “puppymonkeybaby.” We don’t even know what to think. But we won’t forget that purple drink.
3. Bud Light's politically incorrect stump speech, care of Seth Rogen and Amy Schumer
Have no fear. Seth Rogen and Amy Schumer are here to save a nation divided—ours, in case you hadn't noticed. Oh, and Paul Rudd is in on it, too. As they say, nothing brings "a people" together like cheap beer, and don’t these high-paid A-listers know it. Drink up. After all, Bud Light has “the biggest caucus in the country, but it’s not, like, too big,” Schumer says. “You can handle it.”
4. Heinz Ketchup's adorable 'Weiner Stampede'
Weiner dogs dressed up as hot dogs. Viral marketing gold or not, who cares? They’re just so darn cute, aren’t they? Like Heinz says at the ad’s triumphant end, “It’s hard to resist great taste.” It's also hard to resist puppies prancing through blades of grass...into the arms of human condiments.
5. T-Mobile 'Restricted Bling,' starring Drake
In this passive-aggressive riff on his hit song “Hotline Bling,” wireless industry suits school Drake on the many nasty hidden charges he’ll incur if bae calls him late at night on his cell phone. Or if he streams too much music. Take that, T-Mobile competitors, uh, we think?
6. Hyundai USA's dreamy Ryanville romp
Close your eyes and imagine you’re driving. See Ryan Reynolds in your rearview. See him as a rugged and ready construction worker. Then...Wait. Don’t imagine the sexy star for that long. Just for long enough to get realllly distracted and swerve off the road, which is, like, a millisecond. And, boom, you get the steamy—and kind of scary—picture Hyundai gorgeously paints in this hot spot.
7. Snickers' Willem Dafoe drag show
This isn’t the first time we’ve seen Willem Dafoe in drag (and probably won’t be the last). But it’s the first time we’ve laid eyes on the Oscar-winner as Marilyn Monroe. Make that a very hangry Marilyn Monroe. Ah, it’s nothing a Snickers bar can’t fix. Stick around for Dafoe crooning “Happy Birthday, Mr. President.” It’s worth the wait.
8. Hyundai USA's dad-stalking 'First Date' with Kevin Hart
Wisecracker Kevin Hart will stop at nothing to protect his daughter on her first date in this goofy plug for Hyundai’s Car Finder feature, stalkerish helicopter swoop-in included. So much for that kiss, kid. Not on daddy’s Apple Watch. How’s that for some cross-marketing, players?
9. Apartments.com's '#MovinOnUp' with Jeff Goldblum
A piano, a skyscraper, The Fly, George Washington, and Weezy. What more could you want in a Super Bowl commercial? Jeff Goldblum is here to deliver, “getting up, real high,” in this bizarre ad, in which he sings, tickles the ivory and almost takes a football to the head. Go on. Take it all in. We’re trying to, too.
10. Death Wish Coffee's Epic 'Storm's a-Brewin'
Little New York hipster coffee company with dark, quirky name crushes Intuit QuikBooks’ Small Business Big Game Contest. Cue the resulting weird, bearded Viking Valhalla voyage selling said super strong coffee. “Row, awaken and welcome death.” Then wonder why you haven't before.
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